7 things to remember when going home

You’re going to feel some anxiety. Many of us return to the scene of the crime so to speak and don’t really prepare ourselves. It’s important to make feeling uncomfortable easier through practice. What does this look like? Mentally, take yourself to that place in your mind. Picture you’re surroundings, the smell, maybe you’re favorite baked good in the kitchen and a hug to your family. Even doing that for the 5 minutes prior to arrival can have an amazing calming effect. But doing it several times and farther in advance will make you a pro handling new surroundings. 

Sleep could be rough. It’s not a great idea to arrive to a family gathering tired right? Then you’re one late meal away from having half of H.A.L.T. hit you with 2 of the 4. HALT stands for: Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. All things that will help bring on a craving. So planning on proper sleep and routine are especially important as you plan that trip home. 

Old habits tend to die hard. Don’t fall into the same drinking ways. That moment when you walk out to the deck or patio and someone offers you a beer or glass of wine. Know exactly what you’re going to say. Because if you freeze, and no one knows yet, addiction is going to answer for you and you won’t like the answer. When you’re all standing around the kitchen island with wine and cheese and everyone’s voice is 8 levels louder than needed, and it’s easy to just try a few swigs to block out the noise, IF you don’t know exactly what you’re next move is...addiction is likely to decide for you. 

Make sure someone knows. This is huge. If you’re avoiding telling even one person, you likely should not be where you’re going. Not when it comes to family who can be especially triggering, emotional and brings up the past. If you’re going to a place where not one person has your back, why are you even there? The incentive here is that you tell all those you’re comfortable with, but it’s gotta be somebody. You cannot rely on addiction or early days of sobriety to babysit you’re well-being while traveling. 

Plan on not doing anything too dramatic. Heading back home to see family and friends should be fun and rewarding. Early on in sobriety we want anyone and everyone to hear how different we are and we aren’t the person they previously dealt with. Have patience with people. Just as we had to get sober on our timetable, they will forgive us when the time is right and if we ask for it. Typically an Easter or Christmas is not the best time to bring up drama. In my experience, the random laid back Sunday afternoon get togethers will provide plenty of opportunity to have a real and calm discussion about our progress. So that our family truly understands us better and not just a blind repentance to move on with life. 

Make a list. On your trip home, stay focused. Know what you want to do, who you want to see and just as important...what are your boundaries? Where will you not go? Who must you avoid? And what goes in your toolbox? Sticking to your list is going to result in a safe and sober trip home. 

What does a successful trip look like to you? If you define it, you can achieve it. Sometimes its simply to not drink. Other times it could be a person or specific conversation, but either way make sure to practice it. Say it outloud to yourself so you know how it sounds. Being accurate in our communication style goes a long way to making the family member we’re speaking with to feel comfortable. By leading the way of comfort in that situation you’ll show respect, competence and maturity that maybe our impaired behavior did not fit with. 

At the end of the day, show yourself some grace. You’re doing it! You’ve taken control of your life and the way back can be tough to manage. Recovery Unbroken is here, and we’re in your corner.