My Law

When a woman gets pregnant they are told lots of things, but most times the big one is that she cannot drink until the baby is born. Most women don’t have a problem with this because it’s just a nonnegotiable “law”. Baby comes first, so that glass of wine or IPA will have to wait nine months. The health and safety of the baby is top priority and most pregnant women don’t have an issue with not being “allowed” to drink. I didn’t have an issue not drinking when I was pregnant with either of my kids. The thought of ingesting alcohol (which we know is a poison) and passing it along to the growing baby inside us is inconceivable. When pregnant, we put our child first and our need to relax or cope with a drink second. It’s just the “law”. 

However, somewhere around month eight or nine (in many cases) the question of "when can I drink"? starts to creep into our thoughts. If a mother chooses to breastfeed, that countdown drink may be a little longer than originally anticipated. Either way, it’s ok because it’s the law that you can’t drink for the health and safety of the baby. 

So when does this law get lifted or eventually flat out ignored?

When is it ok to drink again?

When is the health and safety of the child no longer front and center of a law over alcohol? When you have an infant that relays on you 100%? When you have a toddler and they are now mobile and getting into things? When a child is elementary school age and old enough to know that that drink sometimes “makes mommy act funny”? Or is it ok to drink when you have teenagers who are watching you get drunk when you are telling them to “just say no”? 

Truth is, it’s really not ok for my kids to see me drink, period! Unfortunately this is something that I learned about 16 years too late. 

My kids, now 16 and 19 have seen me drink, a little and then excessively at times. They have seen me act a fool. They have seen me relax with friends with bottles of wine piling up on the kitchen table among us Moms. They have seen me “fall asleep” during Wheel of Fortune. My kids have heard me say things that I didn’t remember in the morning. My kids have seen me drive when something inside them probably made them scared and feel like this wasn’t a good idea. My kids have needed me and couldn’t count on me because it was after 7pm and I was “done” for the night. 

For these reasons and too many more to count I live with extreme guilt and shame that may take me years to process through. Many people say that the only regret they have about getting sober is that they didn’t do it sooner. I have that same regret. But I can’t live in regrets, I can only live in the present. This is why staying sober and not drinking has now become my law. This is the one personal law that I must stay vigilant about and that I can never break. 

Staying sober because of my law reduces many urges that I would normally have to drink. Now viewing alcohol as the poison that it legitimately is, allows me to stick to my law without romanticizing drinking. I have taken back the power that I allowed alcohol to have over me for too many years. I am putting the health and safety of my children, along with my own, back in the front and center where it belongs. 

And I’m ok with it. In fact, I am more than ok with it. I actually welcome this new “law” into my life. Because, in the last twenty months of sobriety I have reaped the benefits of giving up alcohol tenfold. I know how proud my kids are that I don’t drink. They tell me often and loudly how proud they are of me for being sober. I can’t change the past, but I sure as hell stick to my law in the future.

Good luck with your journey. 

Donna