Article
Save Me
"Seeing a way out of it seemed nearly impossible"
“Somebody save me, me from myself. I’ve spent so long living in hell”.
Many of Us in recovery, especially early recovery have what we call our “drunk voice” which is that voice in the back of our head that gets very loud at times.
My “drunk voice” can pretty much be summed up into one song. “Save Me” by Jellyroll and Lainey Wilson.
“I’m a lost cause, baby don’t waste your time on me”
By the summer of 2022 that is exactly what my “drunk voice” was telling me. I realized that my mental health was quickly declining because my alcohol consumption was drastically increasing. Seeing a way out of it seemed nearly impossible and highly unlikely. It’s still common to justify disordered drinking because we live in a world where alcohol is glorified as a remedy to save someone. The truth is, that is a lie.
“All of my sorrows I just wash them down. It’s the only peace I’ve ever found”
Washing out my sorrows by numbing my pain with alcohol was the only way to get through the day. I didn’t know how to “sit in my feelings” and sure as hell didn’t have any “sobriety toolbox” to help me.
“I’m so damaged beyond repair. Life has shattered my hopes and my dreams”
After my cries for help fell on deaf ears I just got tired of being tired. I got tired of waking up hungover. I got tired of disappointing others and myself. I needed to make a change. I needed to get my mental health under control and with that, my drinking.
“Something inside of me is broken”
It takes time to get comfortable with getting or being sober, years even. What I know now is that recovery is not going to be handed to me. It takes work. It takes community. It takes a perseverance and commitment to myself that I can never break.
The greatest thing that sobriety has taught me over the last 23 months is that I am no longer “damaged”. I am no longer a “lost cause” and where life was once “shattered”, it is now filled with a lot of “hope” and many “dreams”.
Good luck with your journey ~ Donna